Why the Fuck Did I Take This Trip?

I asked that question to myself when I arrived in Melbourne, earlier this morning. I felt strange. This is my first time being away from Indonesia without knowing when to return. So that was how it felt to fly with a one-way ticket. Exciting and scary at the same time. Scary? Yes, scary. “Leaving everything behind” sounded easy at the beginning; but no, now it feels so hard. I just realized, I gave up my job, family, and friends for nothing here.

How if I don’t get any job? Should I return to my mom’s house? My friends will hang out with their other friends; how if they forget me? How if no one wants to be friends with me here? How if… how if?

My world turns upside down after that six-hour flight. It felt so silent. No one speaks my language. No one speaks to me. I have to do everything on my own now. The streets are full of strangers. I know it’s going to be difficult. Why did I take this trip? Why am I being such an ass by challenging myself with this kind of shit? After I stopped calling Indonesia as my home, I’m technically homeless now. So this is the feeling of not having a place called home. And I can’t afford any studio apartment in this city.

My first random shot in Melbourne
My first random shot in Melbourne

I decided to stay at a backpacker hostel, way cheaper than apartment. I didn’t really read the accommodation description when I booked it. I just picked the cheapest I could get: St. Kilda Beach House for AU$24/night. So when Kim, the friendly receptionist, told me what I’d get in this hostel, I was kinda shocked.

I have a huge kitchen where I can storage my foods and cook there, free breakfast, free pancakes on Wednesdays, free luggage storage, WiFi (of course), and discount at its public bar. The bar is awesome! I can get $5 pizza every Monday-Wednesday, trivia games on Mondays, free comedy night on Tuesdays, poker night on Wednesdays, aannndddd… party on Fridays with $5 wine, $15 jug, and free BBQ!

The bartender, Emily, is such a cool girl. She’s Canadian. Bubbly and friendly; and she holds the same work visa like mine. I had a brief chat with her while enjoying my lasagna and beer this afternoon; about how she found the job and some employment advises for me. How this hostel treated me made me feel way better. There’s a hope I can call this place my home, be friends with people like Kim, Emily, and fellow backpackers.

Emily and the awesome bar!
Emily and the awesome bar!

Anyway I share my room with three girls: one from England, two from Germany. The English one, Charlotte, also holds the same visa like mine and Emily’s. We haven’t talked much, but maybe tomorrow I’ll ask her about how she got the job, the salary, and everything I need to know. She looks nice, but very tired. That’s why I didn’t want to bother her with my questions.

And oh, tomorrow I’m gonna have my very first job interview! A Sri Lankan F&B business needs a waiter, and I applied. The owner contacted me via WhatsApp and asked if I could come to her office. If I get the job, maybe I will feel less insecure, more confident. Yeah, I know it’s just a matter of time. I have to adjust so many things, and that takes time.

One of the adjustments I have to make is the weather. Today I learned a very important lesson, that I can experience FOUR different seasons in ONE same day! This morning when waiting for my airport shuttle, I definitely could feel the summer heat. I was a lil bit sweaty. After having a chat with Emily, I walked down to the beach in my thin T-shirt and shorts, confidently. But oh, it was a bit windy and cold.

After spending 10 minutes at the beach, my hands froze! It got colder and colder, I finally gave up and walked back to my hostel… while hugging myself. I’ve been spending the last 4 hours under my thick blanket, writing this blog post. I even cancelled my laser tag appointment with some people from Melbourne’s CouchSurfing Community, because the forecast said tonight’s gonna be showery and the temperature may even drop to 11 degrees. Crazy!

This is how my neighborhood looks like
This is how my neighborhood looks like

Thank God I bring my autumn jacket and winter coat, so tomorrow I’ll be ready to face its bitchy weather. Wish me luck!

6 thoughts on “Why the Fuck Did I Take This Trip?

  1. Listen baby. Ain’t no mountain high, ain’t no valley low, ain’t no river wide enough baby… If you need me call me, no matter where you are, no matter how far; don’t worry baby.


  2. You’ll grow to love Melbourne. You’ll find there’s a lot of people in your same situation! Things will turn around once you meet people who are living in Melbourne. And always remember – even in summer, Melbourne goes through every season, every day ( that’s why I don’t live there!!)


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